Postpartum Depression

A Visual Interpretation

 Imagine you're sitting in a box. It's a deep box. So deep you can't reach the top. The box is open so you can see the ceiling and surrounding light. You can also hear everything outside the box. You're aware of the outside conversations and commotion. When you call out for help nobody can hear you. 

 Sometimes you sit down and other times you might pace back and forth.  Remember, it's just you in there. You're thoughts are the only thing you have with you. But you're always looking up wondering how you're going to get out. You brainstorm numerous ideas on how you can escape but every idea that comes to mind won't work. It seems impossible.

 After time, you get fed up with the confinement you start breaking down. Although you cannot be heard, if someone does happen to see you in there it's too deep for them to reach your hands to pull you out. It feels like the biggest let down. 
 
 Time is ticking on and you're feeling more and more trapped. You don't know how to control your emotions and it becomes immensely intolerable to the point you feel suffocated. You no longer know how to handle yourself.

 You're desperate for help to get out but you realize there is no help. You're the only one who can possibly do something to change this unfortunate situation you're in. You think hard. You become desperate which makes you angry. The only way you think you might get out would be to scratch away at the bottom of the box until it creates a hole for you to escape.

 You're reluctant to do this because in some weird way you feel somewhat safe and protected in the box. But it's all too much and you know you can't stay in there. You start scratching away. Days and days pass and you finally make a break through.

 You feel a flood of happy emotions. You're finally able to walk out and you feel hopeful and relieved. You can't believe you accomplished this. And question why it took you so long to come up with the idea.
 
 Just as you begin to revel in the freedom you're suddenly hit in the face with the realization that your the size of a toy soldier compared to the people around you. Why? This is a nightmare! 
 
 Now you feel confused, upset and exhausted. All that hard work and you can't even be normal like everyone else. You're small, fragile and weak.

 You look up at the box you escaped from and feel angry and perturbed with it. You're beside yourself and stand there thinking "am I ever going to get out of this mess?" You feel completely hopeless and resentful. You're even contemplating life. 

 Someone notices you looking at the box. They walk over your way and bend down to offer their hand for you to walk on. Their face is pure compassion. Your intuition tells you they will be of great help. 
 
 This person in someway that doesn't make any logical sense seems to make you feel better. You begin to feel stronger in yourself. They're helping you to grow bigger and support your need to pull yourself up. Before you know it, you look at the box and you're larger than it. Your surprised your larger. The hand of the person you once walked upon is pleased to see you're now the same size as them. Regular human size.

 The box now doesn't look intimidating or scary. It's just a box. You go to pick it up and it feels light and airy. The trauma you experienced in the box has left a mental scar but you're happier and healthier to not let this scar break you down. It's just a scar. It will fade in time. 
 
 Looking on the brighter side of life the box ends up becoming a reminder of what you went through in a positive way. It's a part of you. You feel proud you were able to escape the demons the box imprinted on you. You become bigger than it. You don't want to beat the box down. You do the opposite and keep it. You paint it in bright colours. Happy colours. You close the box, seal it with sticky tape and learn to love and accept it. It's on display for you to look at and you smile at the box each passing day.

It's Not Something to Ignore

 My interpretation of how postpartum depression is how I personally felt. I am the small person, the box is the baby and the helpful giant human represents friends and family. Expressing my honest feelings in a fictional tale is the best way to describe the deep and serious emotions tied to postpartum depression.

 Some people may feel the same whereas others may experience postpartum in a completely different way. It's an illness developed after baby is born that puts our brains into a deep state of confusion, sadness, anger and entrapment. There is no structure to postpartum. It's random and varies in severity. A very challenging illness to overcome on your own. Not all women get this but those who do can suffer, badly. 

 Which is why, it is SO important to seek help when you know something doesn't feel right. It can easily spiral out of control. An illness not to be bottled up. 
 
 Postnatal blues is different. Everyone gets this. It kicks in a few days after baby is born and you get a rush of hormones making you feel tearful. Your body just went through a massive ordeal of growing a baby for 9 months then delivering that baby. Now your body is empty and your system is in reset mode. It usually lasts for a few days to a week then you get back to normality.

 Postpartum depression goes beyond the blues and stays with you. It gets worse over time and often requires therapy, family and friends support and sometimes with the help of medication.

 Like most mental health conditions postpartum depression is silent and unseeable. Those around you can't see or hear a problem in you. Because you look fine and the signs aren't obvious it's easy for people to shrug off your problem and not realize it's killing you inside. Tearing you down and turning you into something your not. The unhappiness is overbearing and the anxiety in overdrive.

 Talk to a doctor or therapist to start with. See if someone you're close to can take the baby off you for a few hours here and there. Take that deserved break you NEED and don't feel guilty about it. Being a mother is a 24/7 job where you don't get breaks. You need to find a little bit of sanity somewhere. Do some 'me' time and get a coffee or have a bath. Go to the gym or meet with a friend. Heck, go watch a film at the theatre on your own. Who cares?! Do anything you can to make yourself feel better. All these things in time will build you up and help with the depression. It did for me. 

 From one mum to another, you're not alone. You're feelings are very real and I promise it will end at some point. Do the things you can to help yourself and suddenly the light will start showing at the end of the tunnel. 

 * There will be more on postpartum depression in another blog soon *